So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
