Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
