Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
