He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
