I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
