Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
