I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
