thus making me awesome and them whores
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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