Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
