i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
