I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
