ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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