I think my fart just growled at me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
