I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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