We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
