my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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