never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
