you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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