The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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