Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
