Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
