I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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