I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
