So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
