We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
