I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Bring me that man meat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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