i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
