My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
