So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
