either way he was missing a nipple.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
