the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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