Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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