Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
