Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
