life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
