Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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