i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
