Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just had sex on a roof
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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