i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
