the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
