Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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