I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
