His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
