I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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