I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
