I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
