WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
