Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
