At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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