I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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