it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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