We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
