im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You took a bar mat shot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
